Monday, 06 July 2009

• the decline of intimacy in the american marriage

  i do not claim to be an expert. actually, i don't claim to really know what i'm talking about. but i do know that there is a decline of intimacy in the american marriage and these are a few of the factors that lead to it (in my most humble opinion).
  
  1. his and her sinks
  
  
  ever since the “must-have” of his and hers sinks, intimacy has declined. no more playful reaching around each other as you share the mirror. you have your own space. you don’t have to reach for your razor or your noxzema and ‘accidentally’ brush your fingers across your lover’s arm. there are no mirror memories to be had later in the day. if you think back to your morning as you were getting ready, they were in their place and you were in yours. the closest you got was when your lover asked you to hand them the toothpaste. i don’t know about you, but asking my lover for the toothpaste is a memory that gets looked over a whole big lot.
  
  lets take a look at fig. 1 and fig. 2
  
  
  fig. 1 - not touching or interacting
  
  fig. 2 - touching and interacting
  
  2. craft-matic adjustable beds/sleep number mattress
  
  
  
  when a couple used to shop for a mattress, they found one that they both could live with. both parties found it agreeable. now when a couple shops for a bed, they look for features where they can have their own comfortableness. she likes when her head is elevated, he likes when his feet are elevated. there is NO WAY you can cuddle in the the middle of the night and initiate a midnight romp if one person’s feet are elevated. well, there’s not an easy way.
  
  the same goes for those newfangled sleep number mattresses. he wants a 42 and she likes a 15. who knows what that even means?! but if your mattress is set just for you, your partner is not going to be comfortable if they try to snuggle up with you on a cold winter night. or even on a warm, summer night.
  
  the way this is going, we might as well travel back to the fifties and sleep in separate beds like “I Love Lucy” characters. if you’re sleeping in two separate beds, even if those beds are attached, intimacy is declining.
  
  which couple looks like they have a more intimate marriage?
  
  couple A
  
  couple B
  
  couple C
  
  case closed.
  
  3. headaches
  
  some women may hate me for this one. if you’re wife has a headache all the time, it’s time to upgrade from regular strength tylenol to extra strength. if that doesn’t take care of the headache, then get your lady some exedrin migraine. that stuff will get rid of the headache and give her a slight surge of energy from the caffeine that’s in it. headaches are causing a severe decline in intimacy.
  
  4. the over scheduling of kid’s extra-curricular activities
  
   
   
  think about it. does billy really need to play every sport known to man AND take music lessons? does his sister sue really need to take dance classes, play a few sports, AND be on the academic team? sure, i know kids need extra curricular activities. i am an advocate for them. i make my money as a music teacher being the leader of an extra curricular activity.
  
  wife picks up kids from school and dashes across town so that sue can make it to her academic challenge then wife leaves half way through so that she can pick billy up from soccer practice. back across town she goes to pick up sue from the academic meet. they get home, wife and husband cook dinner (ideal situation) help kids with homework, make sure they both practice for their music lessons, then get them to bed. i don’t know about you, but if i was that wife the last thing on my mind would be intimacy.
  
  if kids your have a busier schedule than you, they are missing out on kid time and you’re missing out on husband-wife time. let your kids pick a few extra activities. that’s fine. but if they are telling you they are going to have to pencil you in AND you’re still playing their chauffeur, it’s time to re-evaluate for the sake of your marital intimacy.
  
  5. the unfair pricing of girly drinks as compared to beer
  
  you can't buy this in more than a six pack, so if your lady needs more than 6 of these puppies to start feeling playful, you're out $14.
  
  
  beer is even cheaper in bulk, i'm just showing a price comparison here.
  
  we’re not drinking people, but i can say i have some experience in this. we were out with a couple not long ago. this couple likes to have a few drinks every now and again. good for them. anyway, he drinks beer, everything that she drinks has to taste good. like drinking kool aid. so he had several beers, she had one girly/fruity drink. he was losing his inhibitions due to alcohol consumed. when asked if she was going to order another drink, she told him “no, they are to expensive.” he was feeling quite intimate, she just wasn’t there yet. and wouldn’t be joining him at his level because her drinks cost so much. if the girly/fruity drinks cost the same as beer, don’t you think he would get his lady friend to bed quicker AND they wouldn’t have to fight about how much they spent at the restaurant. the over pricing of girly/fruity drinks is causing a decline in intimacy.
  
  okay, so most of this is supposed to be a little tongue in cheek, but there is a real decline in intimacy (and i'm not just talking about physical intimacy here) that i think people need to address. the only way to counteract claims of declining intimate moments, is to create intimate moments. if you've got the his and hers sinks, scoot over and give a playful tap while he's brushing his teeth. if you've got the adjustable bed, unadjust it until she goes all the way to sleep. don't give an excuse of a headache if you really don't have one and even if you do have one, sex will sometimes get rid of the pain. let your kids be kids so that you can be married adults! if you need a little liquid courage to loosen up, learn to drink something that doesn't break the bank.
  
  you  married the person you did for a reason. remember what that reason was and get back to being newlyweds!!!
  
  

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